NOT worth the wait.

As I was waiting today, I started thinking about what I was waiting for & how it totally wasn't worth it. What was I waiting for? My yearly exam. The yearly exam. If you're a female, you know.

BUT WAIT! Keep reading (if you are a male, or an innocent type, or my husband, you're probably thinking - I've read enough of this trash). Don't worry, I'm not going into any detail. There will be no gore, no potty talk or any description of any kind. Just some observations.

For example, I waited 45 minutes to get into my room, while 3 other people who came in after me, went out before me. That's not cool (starting my belly-breathing). I admit, when I go to an appointment, of any kind, I quite enjoy the token 5-10 minute wait. It's my chance to peruse and read the magazines and newspapers which I'm too cheap to buy. But 45 minutes is a little much. Did I mention there were 3 other people who came in after me and were called out before me? Whatever. Since I'm a giver I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were having a really busy morning. Seriously, have you noticed how many pregnant women there are out there? Anyway, my turn finally came and I thought I saw a trace of remorse on the nurse's face (or maybe it was indigestion 'cause she's prego too.) as she moved quickly around to get me into my room, take my blood pressure & give me the drill down.

Surely, they wouldn't keep me waiting any longer, especially now that I'm in the room, donning the coveted hospital gown with a thin sheet on my lap and my feet freezing to death. They should hand out footies. Actually they (my insurance company, the government & whoever else is in on this) should pay me to come to this kind of an appointment, because we all know that if you go then you don't get whatever it is they're checking for. In typical Em fashion, my too-active mind kept telling me how this was totally NOT worth the wait. And then started rhetorically asking in it's mocking tone, you're actually paying for this? Why? I hate waiting. FYI, I do have a little bit of a problem with patience when it comes to the improper use of time due to fruitless waiting. I started thinking about ways I could get some money out of this, then those thoughts wandered to shopping, and ended up waiting in line at Walmart. And my mind was on a roll for the next half hour of waiting. Yeah, I know.

Because I was in an irritated mood, I started thinking about other things that aren't worth waiting for and then on to my pet peeves. Like, it bugs me when there are 20+ (are there that many? either way, you get the point) check out lines at Walmart with only 2 or 3 open at a time. Since it is about the only place to shop in my town, that makes for long lines on certain days. Never go on a Saturday (unless it's between the hours of 6:00 - 8:00 a.m., or you're toast) that's all I'm saying. Also, it bothers me when people adopt a baby and then get divorced. There just seems to be something ironically twisted about that. I don't get it. (Remember, this is irritated Em thinking out loud - anything goes.) Then, naturally, various eating sounds started roaming through my head. Ew. Just for the record, your eating sounds don't bother me, it seems to be just my family members who make the really annoying noises. Another thing that wasn't worth the wait was, Breaking Dawn. Man, I was so disappointed with that book, especially after the last 9 months of waiting. Like a pregnancy. At least you get a baby (or 2, or 3) out of a pregnancy. That's worth the wait, this book wasn't. And then.........

KNOCK. KNOCK.

She-Dr., "Hello, Em. Are you ready?" "Sure am." Really saying in my head, " No. I think I need another 2 years to WAIT. Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting? I've been ready since the 8th grade! Oh, man. What does my babysitter think of me by now?" And then that's it. It's over. Remember how I like to time everything? Yes, I did. It didn't even take 5 minutes. I waited all that time for less than 5 minutes of complete humiliation. I had my dignity stripped away in a matter of minutes, and I'm paying money for that? What-ev-er. And then of course, because I was having bad thoughts in my head, my Dr. is totally cool. She treats me like I'm her new best friend and then I'm wondering when we can do lunch. I get dressed, she promply comes back in, totally sits down and shoots the breeze with me, while wearing the cutest dress, and telling me about how............. she's pregnant. Of course.