Sunday, November 16, 2008

This story STINKS!

I enjoy going on drives around the neighborhood/countryside. Sometimes I even invite Manly along & it can be romantic. In fact, it just so happens that we went on one of these late night (late, as in 8:00 p.m. because the grown ups in the M.E.M.O.S. household are party animals) romantic drives a week & a half ago.

It was after parent teacher conferences. You know, the thing you go to at your children's school where the teachers try their hardest to say something nice about your children & all they can come up with is: 'Oh, crap.' & their shoulders slump. Then, afterwards, you go on your "romantic drive" around the neighborhood/countryside because, a) you're not ready to see your offspring face to face & b) you're not finished with your conversation about how you are going to work harder to "fix them".

On this particular late night, romantic drive something happened which I've dreamed about happening ever since we moved to the country. I can now check it off my, Things I don't want to admit in public that I kind of want to happen before I die list. It happened. I still can't hardly believe it, but each time I walk out my back door I'm reminded of our little incident when I walk by our van...... & get a whiff.

We were sprayed.

By a........................






yep, a skunk.

Okay, sure we were in the van, but still, we were definitely sprayed! Also, we ran over him. That was a big OOPS & it was sad... wait, NO! The sad part was us getting sprayed.

Remember the countryside part of this story? They haven't invented streetlights where we live yet (I'm just thankful to have indoor plumbing - even though our country cottage only has 1 bathroom, but that's a different post for a different time). We didn't see the poor, stinky creature until his white strip reflected in our headlights a second before we felt the bump, bump. Although, we did have time to see his eyes pop out of his head as he realized what was going to happen & then his tail point straight up & poof. It was so obvious, he meant to do it.

And then the smell hit.

OH MAN! It was not pretty.

After we stopped laughi..... I mean crying & the initial shock had ended, we turned around & drove back to the scene of the crime, the crime being the spraying part because seriously we didn't mean to do it. BTW, doesn't the stinking skunk know about jaywalking - even though crosswalks haven't been invented out here yet either, & he's an animal so therefore is probably not totally literate? That's just an obvious.

Anyway,

When we got back to see if he was still among the living we were greeted by a scene similar to the one in the movie, A Christmas Story, where Ralphie's little brother, Randy, falls down in the snow & pathetically rolls from side to side in a futile attempt to stand up because he's so bundled up that he can't hardly move. That persistent skunk looked just like that, only his problem wasn't too many clothes & snow it was more like 2 broken legs.

But. He did it.

We sat there in the middle of the road for like 2 minutes just watching & waiting - it was intense. Also, Manly did try, a couple of times, to put him out of his misery by running over him for real. Who does that? It's one thing to 'accidentally' hit a skunk, but to intentionally run him over to kill him just because you feel bad for him - that's inhumane. Luckily for Pepe Lepue, I was there to save his life. Plus, I didn't want the smell to be worse.

By this point we were hacking & wheezing & choking as if we had been smoking for the last 50 years.

It was bad.

I have NEVER in my life smelled anything quite like it.

BAD!

Once he got up though, he just glared. I felt so insulted - the ingratitude. It was just like a stand off. We were sitting in our big, old, red mini-van looking at him as he stood off to the side just glaring back at us. It lasted for a whole minute. I started doubting who I was because his glare was intense, he was scary. And then, he hobbled away. He walked as fast as he could, dragging 2 legs behind him, into the yard of the people's house where all of this took place in front of. He was ticked off!

I'm just glad I don't live in that house.

The smell was there for the next week, I know because, unfortunately, I have to drive by it on my way to preschool.

The van still smells.

After we got home that night & had a funny story to tell the kids, instead of our original downer, I took it immediately to the gas station & got the expensive $8.00 wash, this deserved the works. That $8.00's meant getting the 'under' part of the van washed & a wax. I was kidding myself. After the wash, I had to run to Walmart for my daily fix, & I was hoping beyond hope that the fruity smell, which filled the car, was enough to do the trick. It wasn't. As I walked out the magical sliding doors of The Big Evil (aka, Walmart. That's what my clever friend Jaeme calls it.) The smell hit me like a ton of bricks - only this time there was a hint of strawberries to it.

We've been living with that smell for the last 10 days now. Luckily each day it gets fainter & fainter. But, still. I'm ready for it to be finished. Even today, I got the faintest whiff of evil-eye Lepue. I was just so grateful that my clothes & hair didn't absorb the smell, that would have been the real tragedy of this story.

So much for our romantic, late night drive.

It was worth it.

14 comments:

Kristina P. said...

This is so funny! It's like that Seinfel episode where Jerry has to get rid of the car because it has a horrible smell.

I shouldn't be laughing, but it is funny. :)

Terésa said...

O.K. random I know, but how many list do you have? Just curious. Do you have a list of all your lists? How do you know you are putting something on the right list?

The same thing happened to me. Only it died. And it wasn’t my van. And I was 16. But other than that, it was the same. I think skunks must be depressed, and are committing suicide. I guess I can see their point. How would you feel if everyone hated you?

*MARY* said...

When a skunk sprays it's stink does it die like a bee does after it stings something? I think I read that somewhere, like right here in this comment box.

rychelle said...

i think the van needs a tomato juice bath.

Kara said...

Yuck. ITs kind of funny though! I can't believe the skunk lived! Thats what you get for living out in the country! (just teasin)

Emilee said...

Kristina - Classic Seinfeld episode. If only I didn't need this stinkin van....

Teresa - Lists? I have too many to list.

Mary - I hope not bc I've learned that skunks are easy. They'll spray at anything with 4 wheels.

Rychelle - That's what my 11 year old said. I said something back to her about not being ridiculous. Whoops.

Hi Kara!

Erin said...

I knew I caught a whiff as we pasted each other this morning! Stinks to be you! Ha, ha!

Marianna said...

Too funny! Poor Skunk!

Dads(2) said...

all I can see is PePe Lepeu and his "girl" . . . sadness--You RAN OVER PEPE

Strawberry Shortcake said...

Oh my gosh! This is the most romantic story I have ever read! Sign me up for this lovely adventure. Skunk is the worst. I am pretty sure I have lost brain cells from smelling skunk coming into the car while driving. Yuck. Good luck getting that off.

Wendyburd1 said...

LOL!!Staring DOWN a skunk!!

The Hillbilly Banjo Queen: said...

My mom had a skunk for a pet when she was a kid. De-smelled and all. She loved that skunk. And yes...they stink somethin' fierce! So funny!

The Motherboard said...

Man, That Stinks!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

This mad me laugh so hard! This summer we had several skunks spray outside our house. It was enough to bring tears to our eyes....I cant imagine how bad it was in your van. Sorry for that, but thanks for the laugh!!