Wednesday, October 1, 2008

October wishes brings new comments

Today is the 1st day of the rest of the month. To me the 1st day of the month is hopeful. I always enjoy the start of a new month, mainly because I get to change the calendar. I look forward to that. It's so refreshing to see a whole month with nothing to do.....that is until I pick up the pen & start making those funny little marks all over the empty squares. Also, it's pay day, and who doesn't like that? With pay day comes food. My family thinks it's nice to be able to eat again. Food that I willingly cook into a nice meal for them. I'm a giver. The beginning of October, specifically, is a meaningful one to me. Especially today. Manly's office turned 1 year old today! Phew. We survived the 1st year of being self-employed. The worst year of my life.......is over. Hallelujah! Or has it begun yet? I'm an optimist so it's over.

Also, I had my 1st child 11 years ago, in one week from today. Once September was over and I hadn't had the baby yet, there was no question that we were going to have an early October baby. That was all I could think about for the next week. Mostly I was thinking, how bad is it really going to hurt?, are they all lying to me because there's not a darn thing I can do about it now?, whose bright idea was this?, why does our Lamaze instructor wear such pushy, push-up bras & high heels all the time? I was also worried about being a good mother & providing a good home & stuff like that. After yesterday, I don't think I've achieved that last one yet. September did NOT end on a very good note around here.

My poor neighbor.

A couple of years ago I was chatting with a casual acquaintance of mine. We were updating each other on the mutual people we knew in each other's neighborhoods. Gossiping? Rude. No. I don't do that, ahem . She was filling me in about a gal I knew, (don't worry, it's not you) who lived by her. About how this gal's children ran wild and unsupervised around the neighborhood. And specifically, about an incident when those children went into their neighbor's garage and dumped out a bag of kitty litter & scattered it all over. GASP! SHOCK! GASP again! All I could think to myself is, Phew, at least my kids haven't done that! You see, I have kind of wild, very curious, busy, busy, busy, mostly supervised children, but when they are between the ages of 2.5 - about 5.5, watch out! The Tasmanian Devil has nothing on my kids. Believe me, our house is barely standing right now. I could relate to the gal. Not that I let this casual acquaintance of mine know that, because she was one of those good moms. "How could she live with herself?", was my bright response.

From that point on, I kept that in the back of my mind as the line. When my children would wander over to our next door neighbor's house and turn on their hose near the window well, I would think, phew, at least they didn't pour out the kitty litter like that gal's children did. When mine would wander into the neighbor's house uninvited, I would think, phew, at least they didn't pour out the kitty litter like that gal's children did. When mine would steal the neighbor's bikes & other toys laying around their yard, I would think, phew, at least they didn't pour out the kitty litter like that gal's children did. All I can say is my children - the twins - became those children yesterday. That gal's children.

The twins. My poor neighbor.

My worst nightmare, as far as inconsequential, fairly shallow nightmares go, happened. They poured out the box of kitty litter and scattered it..........everywhere. Kaboom! Yesterday was a low point for me as a mother. It was not a very good day. I cried. How can I ever look my neighbor in the eyes again? She's the one with the well behaved children. The one I admire as a really calm, kind, good mother. As soon as I learned what had happened, I went over with my broom and dustpan to find my neighbor already set to the task of cleaning it up. For the 1st time in my life, I didn't have anything to say. What could I say? There is not a sorry big enough to cover what had happened to their garage. There are no words to make this mess go away. There is no justification. Only remorse. And a sweet neighbor who showed me nothing but kindness and forgiveness. Of course my children are not allowed to leave the house without a leash and a bell from now on. They are not ever going back there again. They didn't see the light of day for the rest of the day. And frankly, I'm still considering abortion with them. I don't think they're human yet. But still, it happened.

My kind neighbor.

Through all of this, all I have is hope. Hope because today is the 1st day of a new month. And hope from words my neighbor spoke to me a couple of weeks ago. Epee, my 7 year old, at that age was the equivalent of the two of them put together + 1 more. Chasing him around, literally chasing him because he only had two speeds: run fast & run faster, is what put me into preterm labor (& on bedrest) 2 months before my due date with the twins. That's just the way my kids come. He's changed a lot over the last year and 1/2. He's growing, he's maturing, he's understanding. My kind neighbor said, "Epee is really growing up. He's so polite and respectful, and just so mature lately. And he's actually walking." GASP! Really!? Epee? My Epee? I guess the same thing happened with Lundles too. I thought to myself, After all he's done to your place and property, & since I'm the mother I share in the blame, you can look past that and see the good that's in him, & not hold these things against us? Bless you my dear neighbor. You are a Saint. There is a special place in heaven for those who live next door to the M.E.M.O. family & don't end up bitter & full of malice.

So that's the hope I'm clinging to. The hope that comes with a new month. They will grow up and out of it - eventually. They will lose the desire to spin around as fast as inhumanly possible, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. They will become human. But more than for them, I have hope for myself. I can still become her, the good mother. I love my children like nothing else. Today we still laughed & hugged & played & read & I simply enjoyed them. At least, I can keep that hope & cling to it the next time I'm brought to tears..... the unpleasant ones.

4 comments:

Sarah said...

I am so glad I don't leave near you anymore.....








I'm KIDDING! (and its not like they flooded your neighbors basement..so, no biggie)

Brandon Hunter Family said...

Kitty litter is nothing! One day my kids killed the neighbors cat......




Not really, but for a second there, I bet you felt a lot better about what we like to refer to as "the litter incident".

Erin said...

That's funny! Remember when you were babysitting and you lost Rye? That was funny too.

It's ok, just because my kids would NEVER do something like that(it's hard to move when they are tied to their beds) - doesn't mean you are less of a mom than me.

*Rope and chain is on sale at C-A-L Ranch.*

Emilee said...

Sarah, I wish you still did & then I would just send my kids over to your house. AAAAHHH!

BHF, is this really Cheryn? I did feel better, then you had to burst my bubble! Thanks a lot.

Erin, thanks for reminding me about Rye. No wonder I've never heard back from Keri.