You Know You're a Cheapskate When...

1. When you want to be unlisted in the phone book, but don't want to pay the delisting fee so you get re-listed under your wife's maiden name. It's a genius idea in a town where she didn't grow up & no one knows her maiden name. Not so genius when she calls people who do know it & when they see her maiden name on caller I.D. there's an awkward silence. You know they're thinking things like ......I knew it wouldn't last, it was only a matter of time!


2. When, between your choices of Walmart, the mall or the D.I., you choose the latter for your retail shopping enjoyment. Especially when you're on the hunt for suits & church/work attire. Let's face it, the D.I. does have the biggest selection of white button up shirts on the entire planet.


3. When you complain about the prices at the D.I.
   
4. When you look back on your dumpster diving days as a youth not with shame, but with longing.
5. When the only time you eat lunch is when the secretaries in the building across the street from you, have their weekly office party.
6. When you go on vacation to a third world country & refuse to let the eager bell boys take your bags up to your room, 3 floors above, because that requires giving them a tip & that goes against every fiber of your being.
7. When your nice car is considered the nice car because it's the only one that doesn't break down on a regular basis.
8. When finding a roll of cute ribbon on clearance for .25, at Walmart, gives you an unnatural high & you start singing Madonna's, Like a Virgin.
9. When you choose to live in a house with 1 bathroom & no garage just because the mortgage payments are so low you can pay more than the minimum payment each month. Because it's twice as fun to pay twice as much to the mortgage lenders. Whatever happened to living outside your means & good old fashioned debt?
10. When your kids beg you to take them to the bank every day just so they can get some (free) candy from the nice ladies there.
11. When your kids think your neighbors are rich because the grass actually is greener on their side of the property line.
12. When a big purchase is considered anything over $5.00.
13. When you still have clothes from the late '80's - not for sentimental reasons - because you actually still wear them. 'Waste not, want not' is your personal mantra.
14. When buying ice cream, not on someones birthday, is considered a big luxury.
15. When you don't have a cell phone, an I-pod, or cable t.v. because you don't "need" them. Who even thinks that way anymore?
16. When you go to the battery store to buy a special battery for your camera & the sales lady is trying to sell you extra batteries for things like your cell phone & you tell her you don't have one & she's so shocked that her mouth falls open. When she regains her composure she tells you, 'It's okay, I met another lady last week who doesn't have a cell phone either, of course she was 85 years old.', you take that as a compliment.
17. When you find an old pair of crutches out in the desert & you keep them to give to your nephew for Christmas, because what is more fun & says, I love you, like dirty, old, abandoned crutches?
18. When going into any kind of consumer debt makes your eye twitch, your stomach hurt & you start sweating in places you didn't know could sweat.
19. When you need a new van, because the old one (as in 15 years old) has a mind of it's own & only starts when it feels like it, so you frequent the government auction website (as opposed to reading the local paper or going to the used car lot in town) because you're not about to take out a loan for a vehicle, so you look for something you can buy in cash & find a *new* van (as in only 8 years old) which you bid on & win, only 5 days before your 15 hour drive to your sister's house for Thanksgiving. So you fly up to the northern part of your state to retrieve it & spend 10 hours the next day driving it home.
20. When you & your kids are so excited about your *new* van because it has bucket seats & a sliding door on the drivers side. You think it is the coolest thing to happen to you since you bought the $10.00 popcorn popper at Walmart 3 years ago.

Okay, I admit it, that's us - we're BIG cheapskates! Mostly Manly is, but he's kind of turned me on to his way of thinking too, some call it brainwashing, other's call it rude, I call him cheap while my friends & family call me a saint.

I do like the no debt part.

FYI, some of the list above may or may not be an exaggeration, it just depends on how much I distort reality - you'll never know.

Being the thankful season, I really am grateful to have a *new*, well - maintained (we'll see how long that lasts) working vehicle.

Not this one:

{Out with the old... sorry Big Red, we're replacing you with a younger model, one who actually puts out..... as in carbon emissions & all the other stuff that *working* cars actually do to add to the green house effect. }

{In with the new. Hello precious.}

{Do you see it? A real, live, actually working sliding door [not automatic, let's not get crazy here] on the drivers side. My poor, aching back thanks you for the strain you will save me each time I buckle my 2 kids in to their car seats. I love you.}

{Look! We even got a bonus - free hornets nests. This day keeps getting better & better!}

P.S. You know your husband's a cheapskate when he keeps the old run down vehicle to turn into his hunting truck - remember the mantra? Is that cheap or redneck (*cough* white trash *cough*)? You be the judge.

A Poem

Sometimes, usually when I'm way too emotional or feeling muy reflective or just so happy I'm high....... {bipolar? I don't think so, not yet anyway.} words, lines, even whole poems will just appear out of nowhere & land in my head. On the days I'm thinking clearly I either grab a pencil & paper & start writing or I try to memorize them, but then I always forget it an hour later. Hm, go figure.

Since Kiersten suggested I post this on my own blog, I thought I'd take her advice, after all she has an agent now so she totally knows what she's talking about.

This is a poem I wrote about 2 1/2 years ago when I was holding my sleeping 2 year old daughter on my lap. Her head was by my nose, luckily she had been bathed that week, & all I could smell was her. I loved it & never wanted to forget that moment or her smell.

Nostalgia

I hold you in my arms

your head tenderly close to mine

as I breathe in your youthful slumber smell

it takes me back to your days as a babe;

So innocent and pure

your sweet scent lightly dances on my senses

lingers in my mind

and is planted in my heart forever.

How innocent and pure,

cherished youthful slumber smell,

as you grow and it slowly fades away

it will stay with me forever......

Thankful Thursday, the end

Friends Graphic Comments

Thank you to everyone for the kind words of support you gave me after my last post. You really don't suck! There are a lot of nice people out there, who I actually don't know, but who gave me a fake bloggy shoulder to cry on & now I'm a little freaked out. That's okay, because I really am feeling so much better about life. Time does heal all wounds - including the ones I make. It's true.

And really, good things can come out of it too. So, I wanted to copy Kristina P. & do a Thankful Thursday post today - especially since the day will be over in about 2 hours. What? Are you calling me a procrastinator? I'm totally not & someday I'll get back to telling you more about how I'm not.

Today, I am thankful for the opportunity I had this week to cry so hard (& ugly) for about 3 days that I ran out of pee. It was the best! I'll tell you why.

On Sunday, I woke up with a red, painful, ugly sty in my eyelid. An eye sty. I haven't had one of those since middle school when I experienced some of the joys of sharing cheap make up with many girls. The sty hurt. It was really red. Did I mention it was ugly? Anyway, in the midst of my blubbering & self-loathing I did still have the presence of mind to worry about the effect all of those salty tears would have on my eye sty. I mean nobody gets that depressed. I was certain that it was going to get plugged up even worse & would get an even uglier infection which would involve green puss & an eye patch.

I'm so thankful I was wrong. I think the salty tears washed the infection away & by Tuesday night my eye sty was gone. Thank you dear salty tears for the gift of healing powers you bestowed upon my eye.

I am also thankful that the hard crying made me so sick to my stomach that I couldn't eat for 2 days. I'm pretty sure my abs have some definition now. It's great to cry so hard that not only do you lose your appetite, but you feel like puking & don't even want to think about food. So crying got me back in my jeans - that is until I ate for like 4 people today. I was hungry! But I am truly grateful for the way my jeans weren't so freaking tight on me yesterday.

I'm also thankful that I got a sinus infection so that I had a "real" excuse to stay in bed, all day, for 2 days. Since my son broke my nose 5 years ago when he was 2, the sinus passages on the right side of my face don't drain or work or whatever it is that they do, properly, & I get a sinus infection at the first hint of a runny nose. It's happened at least once a year since then. So, since my nose was actually a faucet running at full speed this week means I got a lot of alone time in bed & at the computer & a big pile of used tissues on the floor. I hope someone is going to clean it up soon because it's starting to gross me out.

Which leads me to my sweet Manly & how grateful I am for him. He had pity on me, which translated into extra help around here (not to imply that he's not helpful, he is - but I got even more!). He felt so bad for me, which seriously never happens even though I try to get him to feel that way all the time, that he actually volunteered to get the kids ready for & put to bed. Without me. For 2 nights in a row. I'm starting to feel like an evil genius.

But the thing which I am most grateful for, as a result of my blubbering like a baby (not even a cute one) for the last 3 days, is that I got my goal of at least 10 comments on my last post. Someone Else pointed that out & put a whole new perspective on this for me. That made it totally worth it!

Memo's 2

Memo
To: Sidysue
Subject: What would Barbie say?

Do you remember the last memo I sent you? I told you that I didn't think it was very appropriate for a 4 year old to say, 'Holy Cwap'. I didn't mean you should replace it with, 'what the H-E-Double hockey sticks...' I don't think your Barbie's appreciate that kind of language. When 2 Barbie's are having a civilized conversation, it offends the one to have the other one ask her, "what the h-e-_ _ are you talking about!?" So, don't make her say it again. Okay?

Also, where did you hear that? Have you been reading my mind again, because I would never say that out loud.
Love, Mom


Memo
To: Epee
Subject: Free Advice

I thought I had a financial genius on my hands when you told me what you would do if you won $10,000.00. "Security" you said. Security? As in savings, bonds, gold - the sure fire investment? That's a pretty smart thing to do with your $ especially in today's economy..... What? Not that kind of security?

Oh.

An alarm system for your bed. Complete with a net hanging from the ceiling ready to drop on the next intruder, i.e. Hoodee. Booby traps? You would spend $10,000.00 in booby traps, sirens & alarms? Oh & a b.b. gun. Okay, well, never mind. That's not a good investment.

How about if you just put your toys up (out of Hoodee's reach) instead of leaving them in a cool, inviting, set up - ready for action - on your bed? I can't be there all the time to stop him from reeking havoc - in his own room. Have you seen the neighbors garage lately? Remember, you two share a room. I know you try to forget that little fact on a daily basis, but here's the real advice - accept it son & live in reality. It's more likely that you'll win the $10,000.00 before he'll quit destroying everything he comes in contact with. Hope that helps.

Love, Mom


Memo
To: The chicken who crossed the road
Subject: Forgive me

From the time I was a child I always heard about you, but I thought you were nothing more than a joke. A few weeks ago, when I had to come to a screeching halt to let you pass, I realized you ARE real. I'll be darned. Forgive this doubting Tom. Seeing is believing.

BTW - Why did you cross the road? You looked like you were in a big hurry as you were waddling so fast to get to the other side.

Sincerely,
A believer


Memo
To: Lundles
Subject: You're beautiful

I understand you could care less what your hair looks like - all of the time. Even though I don't get it, I was totally vain by the time I was your age. At the rate you're going you won't even be vain until you're like 16. I know I should be grateful, that just means more mirror time for me. Anyways, Dad thinks it's wrong for me to bribe you with money to let me do your hair. I see his point, but it was totally worth the $2.00 I spent last night. Your hair looked really cute...... & I could tell you secretly enjoyed it.

Just remember - taking bribes for anything else is illegal & morally wrong, so don't do it! It's only okay when I want your hair to look nice. Also, you're beautiful no matter what your hair looks like.

But let's go brush it now, just for fun, k?
Love, Mom


Memo
To: Hoodee
Subject: What I didn't tell you

When we were talking about voting last week, do you remember who you said you were voting for? Here's a recap:

Me: Hoodee, who are you voting for?
You: Becky.

Giggles erupt from around the dinner table.
You looked down, slightly embarrassed.

Me: I would vote for her too.
You: I Love Her.

What I didn't tell you is she's a married woman, son, & your mom's best friend. That's just weird. And, if I didn't love her too, I would totally be jealous right now, because you're only supposed to be in love with your Mom at age 4 - it's a good thing I'm not the jealous type.
Love, Mom


Memo
To: Rocket (our dog)
Subject: Clean reading material

The next time you decide to look at the ads, from the garbage can, please don't take the ones which are covered in spaghetti sauce & then drag them across the carpet to your bed. I'm really happy you have an interest in current events, but tomato sauce is really hard to get out of those tiny, little polyester fibers attached to the ground. Thanks for your cooperation. Also, I know a cute Chinese girl who occasionally enjoys dog for lunch. Just keep that in mind the next time you are tempted to look at a dirty magazine (as in covered in sauce).

Love, your Master


Memo:
To: All who wash dishes in the M.E.M.O. household (aka, Manly)
Subject: Veggie scrubber

You know the little scrubby brush that I keep under the sink? The one which I have marked as, "For Veggies Only!!!" (the 3 exclamation points are not an exaggeration) Let me make sure we are all clear on what that means. Veggies (short for vegetables) do not include plates, glasses, utensils, pots, pans, lids, crock pot, Tupperware, pitchers, skillets, sinks, counters or floors.

Thanks for the effort though. I love when you do the dishes. I will bask in the good work that you do. There is no A for effort here. You do a darn good job. You're not a clueless husband who tries to do a job & does it crappy....... (can you tell he's been reading over my shoulder.....)

Love, your loving & adoring wife


Memo
To: Self
Subject: Reminder

Remember to send Motherboard a big, fat, thank you. She deserves it. She has changed your life for the better by introducing you to Google Reader (my newest Internet romance). G.R., where have you been all my life? How did I ever blog without you? I love you. My heartfelt gratitude goes to Motherboard for setting us up.

Thanks,
Aunty Em

Scary Story

It was a dark, stormy night. The heavens were not in alignment. Babies were crying, dogs were barking, actually all living creatures, plant, animal & mineral alike, were restless & out of sorts. Some were even crying. Weeping. Curled up in the fetal position, sucking their thumb, rocking back & forth, bawling uncontrollably. Because this happened:


WINNER!!! The 44th President of the United States of America.

Our country has lost. The constitution is no longer relevant. History is rewritten. We are no longer free, but a socialist/Marxist nation. Well on our way to communism. With our guns taken away while they kill all the unwanted partially born babies. As we pay for other's homes, which they can't afford, through astronomical taxes. Gone are the incentives, ingenuity & industry of a capitalist nation. Gone are the ideals, liberties & freedoms given to us by our founding fathers, which they fought with their blood & lives, to pass down to us.......

AAAHHH!!! SCREAM!!! YIKES!

I'm sweating. That was a really scary story.

Happy Halloween!

My Edward

It's Halloween week! This year I've decided that I really love Halloween & all of the excitement & decorating that goes along with it (also, the candy). So, in honor of Friday's festivities my posts this week will be totally Halloweeny.

I think it's very appropriate to start off the week with everyone's favorite gorgeous vampire, Edward. What says Halloween more than a sexy, vegetarian vampire? I think everyone has their own version of him, your own perfect Eddy, so it would've been kind of impossible for the movie makers to cast the perfect Edward. Whatever, I'm content with their pick. But. The other day while I was watching The Princess Diaries II with my girls, I saw this scene & immediately thought about Edward. To me this guy would fill the shoes (the expensive Italian leather ones) perfectly. So, if I could choose the actor to play my Edward Cullen, this is who I would choose (take the next 2 mins {the first 30 seconds of the clip are dumb so bear with me, you won't regret it} to enjoy his yumminess. Also, I love his speaking voice & his posture.): Chris Pine.

Who is your perfect, or as close to as humanly possible, Edward?

P.S. I just want to be clear that Manly (the guy I'm married to) is the perfect Edward to me. Sometimes I call him Edward just for fun & he loves it. But, I didn't want to put him out there for all to see & oogle over. He's a married man. That would be totally inappropriate & I didn't want to make anyone jealous. And, I didn't want to treat him like a big piece of meat. So that's why I put Chris Pine up there instead of Manly.

Tag, you're IT!....the 2nd

So I've been tagged again. I'm really trying hard not to let it go to my head. I know you're all thrilled to learn more about me, & you know I'm totally not a bragger {I really don't like to talk about myself} but since you asked for it how can I refuse? Here's a little insight into the wonderful world of Manly & Me:

1. Where did you 1st meet your husband? We were both living in a little town in the Pacific Northwest called, Utensils. I was 16 when I moved there to live with my Dad. On my 1st day at my strange new high school, I sat next to him in Biology class. He had the most beautiful, powdery white skin & scary yet inviting black eyes. At first I totally thought he hated me with a PASSION! He wouldn't even look at me. He was so tense & rigid, like he was about to body slam the next person to cross his path. I almost asked him what his problem was when he slammed his books closed & stormed out of class...... Oh, wait. That wasn't me.

I guess we met at Ricks. I had this really beautiful roommate & Manly wanted to meet her. He met me instead and the rest is history. It was his lucky day.

2. What was the 1st thing you said to him? Hey hotty, you're hot! JK, it was something profound like, Nice to meet you.

3. Where was your 1st date? In Rexburg, Idaho. Duh.

4. Where was your 1st kiss? On the lips. So this is starting to get a little personal, I'm not sure I like where this line of questioning is going.

5. Did you have a long or short engagement/courtship? I don't want to talk about it. This is the only thing on which we disagree. So, I won't go there. Sorry, you lose.

6. Where did you get engaged? We were living in a quaint little village nestled in the countryside of England. He had arrived unannounced with his friend for a visit & we subsequently went for a stroll down the country lane. I was thanking him for the help he gave my family in the retrieval of my wayward sister, from the odious fiend, Mr. Wickam. He wouldn't let me go on in my profuse gratitude, he claimed he only did it because of his love for me......... dang, not me again.

At his sister's house in Rexburg, ID. He was living with her & her family while attending college. He made me a candlelight dinner & had my ring in an Easter basket (because it was Valentine's when we got engaged of course.). Fun, huh? I actually like this story too.

7. Where did you get married? The Portland LDS Temple. It was the coolest because we had flaming liberal protesters there who were picketing us as we drove away from the temple. They were so concerned for our welfare as they told us how it's all a scam and we're not married for eternity. I really appreciated their sincerity & interest in our lives. And they did add a lot of joy to our day.

8. How did the reception go? If you had been there you would know that you missed the most totally awesome party to ever happen in an LDS church. That's all I have to say. You should have been there.

9. How was the honeymoon? That's IT! I'm done. No more questions. You have crossed the line. BTW, for the record it was hot.........we were at the beach in August.

Now, I don't know if I'm comfortable with passing this Tag on. It's a little scandalous! But if you want to then I won't stop you. I am a little curious about my blogging buddies whom I don't actually know. If you're interested go ahead, make my day.

3 Things

Thing 1: Shout out!

I heart my new layout, it should last at least a week. I think blogs should be changed & updated like bags & shoes, actually I don't think that about your blogs, just mine. I like to makeover anything that will stand still for longer than a minute. So blogs are perfect for me. I love all of the fun, new & different looks out there & someday I might even put some $ into it. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I would like to give a big blogger shout out to Julie at Leelou. Love her site & all of her fun templates. She is definitely a creative & talented WAHM. She is also very helpful to minimally brain functioning beings such as myself. Thank you Julie, for everything, I love it!

Thing 2: More to come.

I have a lot to post & will get to it soon. This is the BIG birthday week. Tomorrow is the BIG day for Lundles. And Friday is her BIG friend party. We don't do BIG every year for birthdays, but last year was especially unacceptable. Manly had started his office at this time last year & we told the kids they would be lucky to see their next birthday with us (we heard there were some really good private schools in Pakistan, who really wanted American kids to join them. They would pay for their travel expenses & room & board. Although the rate of return is very low. It sounded like a great deal.). Well, they're still here so we told them they could each have a friend party this year. As I've been trying to get things ready, I keep asking myself why we ever told them that. BIG is overrated. Pakistan is sounding pretty good right now.

Thing 3: Find pictures of Lundles.

Thing 4: Make cake & fake sushi.

Thing 5: Make dinner.

Thing 6: Shave legs.

Thing 7: Oops, did I post that out loud? I have a lot on my mind.

Thing 8: Post about why mom's should get all the credit for their kids birthday's. Why are we celebrating them? What did they do? They just came out, because we made them, against their will. Everyone, including said birthday person, should be celebrating the mother who went through the 9 months of whatever you'd like to call it (depending on if you're a glass 1/2 empty or full type of person), only to top it off with the delivery. And then all those months of sleepless days & nights to feed & care for, said birthday person. Those are the real heroes, the mothers. Being ripped to shreds isn't my idea of fun. My memory isn't short. I haven't forgotten, oh no! But I did it, to give you life. You owe me & so does everyone else who enjoys said creation of Manly & me. Oops, did I post that out loud too? That's totally not like me. I better go now.

He's so lucky.....again!

So, if you haven't guessed by now, I'm slightly obsessed with being a member of MoTab. I may have hinted at it a time or two before, like here & here. This past weekend as we were so reverently & peacefully (do I even need to clear my throat here?) watching general conference, which was THE BEST - consider me totally uplifted & edified, I started having another of my non-delusional conversations with Manly, in my head.

You guys, he is so sweet!

He was making his arguments about why I should be in the choir, how they need me & why they are the ones who are totally missing out. He's right, but still it's not very ladylike to say those things myself, it's so braggy (& as you all know, I'm not like that). But he made me swear I would blog about this 1st thing Monday morning because he's just so darned proud of me. I can't break a promise. Once again, I'm only going to give you his top 5 reasons (out of the countless ones he came up with) why I should be a member of MoTab:

1. My great fashion sense. If I were a member you'd see a lot more hot pink, bright green, bangles, bobbles & skin. Oh, & mandatory make-up. He admires my horse-sense when it comes to appearances.

2. I can sing. If you've ever received one of my singing emails then you already know that. He told me there's not a sound on earth that brings as much joy to his soul as the last note of the song I'm singing. You guys! How sweet. Anyway, I can hold those loooooong notes at the end without doing all of that staggered breathing & without fainting. I know the rest of them have to take breaths.

3. The camera loves me. Like he said, I simply belong on t.v. I would look really good singing up there especially when the camera zooms in on me & I would have a sweet, peaceful, angelic look on my face (without braces - not that there's anything wrong with that). Plus he said I'm hot.

4. I'm the best wife ever. He thinks that's one of the requirements to get in. He's probably right on both accounts.

5. I'm so much fun! He could totally picture what those choir practices would be like with me there to liven up the party. It would be non-stop, side splitting fun & games! Just think, whoopee cushions on the organists bench & spiders on the guys seats. He loves my practical jokes on him, they would too.

There you have it. The Manly, in my head, did it again. He totally made my weekend! As I sang along with the choir the past couple of days, & no one told me to shut it (why would they? besides that's a totally bad word in our house), I could really tell that they wished I was there singing with the choir too.

October wishes brings new comments

Today is the 1st day of the rest of the month. To me the 1st day of the month is hopeful. I always enjoy the start of a new month, mainly because I get to change the calendar. I look forward to that. It's so refreshing to see a whole month with nothing to do.....that is until I pick up the pen & start making those funny little marks all over the empty squares. Also, it's pay day, and who doesn't like that? With pay day comes food. My family thinks it's nice to be able to eat again. Food that I willingly cook into a nice meal for them. I'm a giver. The beginning of October, specifically, is a meaningful one to me. Especially today. Manly's office turned 1 year old today! Phew. We survived the 1st year of being self-employed. The worst year of my life.......is over. Hallelujah! Or has it begun yet? I'm an optimist so it's over.

Also, I had my 1st child 11 years ago, in one week from today. Once September was over and I hadn't had the baby yet, there was no question that we were going to have an early October baby. That was all I could think about for the next week. Mostly I was thinking, how bad is it really going to hurt?, are they all lying to me because there's not a darn thing I can do about it now?, whose bright idea was this?, why does our Lamaze instructor wear such pushy, push-up bras & high heels all the time? I was also worried about being a good mother & providing a good home & stuff like that. After yesterday, I don't think I've achieved that last one yet. September did NOT end on a very good note around here.

My poor neighbor.

A couple of years ago I was chatting with a casual acquaintance of mine. We were updating each other on the mutual people we knew in each other's neighborhoods. Gossiping? Rude. No. I don't do that, ahem . She was filling me in about a gal I knew, (don't worry, it's not you) who lived by her. About how this gal's children ran wild and unsupervised around the neighborhood. And specifically, about an incident when those children went into their neighbor's garage and dumped out a bag of kitty litter & scattered it all over. GASP! SHOCK! GASP again! All I could think to myself is, Phew, at least my kids haven't done that! You see, I have kind of wild, very curious, busy, busy, busy, mostly supervised children, but when they are between the ages of 2.5 - about 5.5, watch out! The Tasmanian Devil has nothing on my kids. Believe me, our house is barely standing right now. I could relate to the gal. Not that I let this casual acquaintance of mine know that, because she was one of those good moms. "How could she live with herself?", was my bright response.

From that point on, I kept that in the back of my mind as the line. When my children would wander over to our next door neighbor's house and turn on their hose near the window well, I would think, phew, at least they didn't pour out the kitty litter like that gal's children did. When mine would wander into the neighbor's house uninvited, I would think, phew, at least they didn't pour out the kitty litter like that gal's children did. When mine would steal the neighbor's bikes & other toys laying around their yard, I would think, phew, at least they didn't pour out the kitty litter like that gal's children did. All I can say is my children - the twins - became those children yesterday. That gal's children.

The twins. My poor neighbor.

My worst nightmare, as far as inconsequential, fairly shallow nightmares go, happened. They poured out the box of kitty litter and scattered it..........everywhere. Kaboom! Yesterday was a low point for me as a mother. It was not a very good day. I cried. How can I ever look my neighbor in the eyes again? She's the one with the well behaved children. The one I admire as a really calm, kind, good mother. As soon as I learned what had happened, I went over with my broom and dustpan to find my neighbor already set to the task of cleaning it up. For the 1st time in my life, I didn't have anything to say. What could I say? There is not a sorry big enough to cover what had happened to their garage. There are no words to make this mess go away. There is no justification. Only remorse. And a sweet neighbor who showed me nothing but kindness and forgiveness. Of course my children are not allowed to leave the house without a leash and a bell from now on. They are not ever going back there again. They didn't see the light of day for the rest of the day. And frankly, I'm still considering abortion with them. I don't think they're human yet. But still, it happened.

My kind neighbor.

Through all of this, all I have is hope. Hope because today is the 1st day of a new month. And hope from words my neighbor spoke to me a couple of weeks ago. Epee, my 7 year old, at that age was the equivalent of the two of them put together + 1 more. Chasing him around, literally chasing him because he only had two speeds: run fast & run faster, is what put me into preterm labor (& on bedrest) 2 months before my due date with the twins. That's just the way my kids come. He's changed a lot over the last year and 1/2. He's growing, he's maturing, he's understanding. My kind neighbor said, "Epee is really growing up. He's so polite and respectful, and just so mature lately. And he's actually walking." GASP! Really!? Epee? My Epee? I guess the same thing happened with Lundles too. I thought to myself, After all he's done to your place and property, & since I'm the mother I share in the blame, you can look past that and see the good that's in him, & not hold these things against us? Bless you my dear neighbor. You are a Saint. There is a special place in heaven for those who live next door to the M.E.M.O. family & don't end up bitter & full of malice.

So that's the hope I'm clinging to. The hope that comes with a new month. They will grow up and out of it - eventually. They will lose the desire to spin around as fast as inhumanly possible, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. They will become human. But more than for them, I have hope for myself. I can still become her, the good mother. I love my children like nothing else. Today we still laughed & hugged & played & read & I simply enjoyed them. At least, I can keep that hope & cling to it the next time I'm brought to tears..... the unpleasant ones.

'Goodbye, Mr. Bond'

Netflix rocks. I love having it delivered right to my mailbox, it's made getting the mail fun again - even if I do have to pay for it. I like saving the time and gas $ spent going to the video store (actually, that doesn't really matter to me, but I feel like I'm in a commercial when I say it). The store where I have to look at all the disgusting, sinister, creepy movie covers and tell my kids to close their eyes and then lead them around like a guide dog. I don't enjoy the video store like I used to. Sorry, tangent, not what this post is about.

'The name is Bond, James Bond.'

My husband is a fan. Ever since he was a kid he wanted to be Bond. Complete with his gadgets, guns and fast cars. The women, not so much. He could have cared less, and thankfully he's still that way. Manly has always had a 1 track mind - guns & gadgets (or is that 2 tracks? since they both start with g's, I'll say 1). When he was a kid, he was the one staying dressed up in his suit after church. His Mom, would oogle over him being so handsome and good to want to stay in his church clothes all day. The truth was, he would get home from church and switch tracks in his mind, from church boy to CIA agent, licence to kill. He was Bond for the rest of the day. If his mother only knew......she would've laughed.

Since I spent this summer watching all 6 seasons of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman (remember Sully? I know, huh.), it's been Manly's turn to pick our Netflix. I'll admit our Friday night fun nights have been pretty....well, fun. I'm not so much a Bond fan, but I love watching them with him. It cracks me up to hear him laugh at parts where no one else is laughing, and to ooh & aah over the guns, & the corny one-liners which always win over the ladies are fun for all. He becomes 12 years old again and I get a glimpse into his childhood. I wish I could have known him as a kid, from what I hear he was a character, actually many different characters. So I came up with a list of reasons why he's way better than Bond.

Ten Reasons why Manly is better than Bond:

1. He doesn't kill people. I admire that.

2. Forget exotic supermodels with fabulous accents and voluptuous figures, he's got me. What more could he want? (It always comes back to me, I know.)

3. He's not wasteful. Have you noticed how many tuxedos, dress shirts & women J.B. goes through? Between the blood, wine & lipstick, he can't keep a shirt clean. What does he do with all those clothes & women? Probably throws them away. Manly's totally not like that. He still has shirts from the late '80's, and a wife from the mid-90's. He's way frugal.

4. The only thing he likes shaken not stirred is his root beer float, and if he's feeling really crazy, he takes his root beer on the rocks.

5. The only things he hunts are deer, elk & misplaced car keys. Not crazy villains who weep blood, have metal teeth, eye patches & names like Specter.

6. His fancy car is an '02 Chevy Malibu. You can close your mouth now. Trust me, it is fancy compared to the other vehicle we have, & he doesn't wreck it every 5 minutes. I really appreciate that.

7. The biggest risk he takes is riding his bike to work, without a helmet, on a windy day.

8. He's a family man (at least he knows how many children he's fathered....... 4, just in case you weren't clear on that).

9. His coolest gadget is, & I quote, "Probably my brain.", Need I say more?

10. He's not a jet-setting, secretive CIA agent. He's home with us. Sure, the CIA wanted him - after he brushed up on his current events (seriously, that's true). HA! Fools. Their loss is my gain.

THIS is a Good Place To Live

Life is fragile. That's all there is to it. There are simply things that happen in our lives which we have no control over & don't understand. Sometimes that's the hardest thing, about life, to accept. That's one reason why I am so grateful to have something to believe in. My beliefs have been fostered by the gospel taught in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. During the difficult times in my life this knowledge has helped me take that necessary step of acceptance and has given me hope for the future. This realization of life is also one of the reasons why I love where I live.

Most, if not all, of Eastern ID, has been touched by the sudden & tragic passing of the popular radio DJ, Wayne Richards - "the voice of SE Idaho". He died Sunday night while on vacation with his family in Hawaii. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family, friends and all who loved him. Like many of you, I never knew him personally, but I'll miss him.

I'm a radio junkie - the A.M. kind, you know, talk, politics, issues.....the fun stuff. Since I started listening to that, about 10 years ago, I gave up F.M. radio. Didn't want it, didn't need it, until a couple of years ago. I decided to have music in the mornings, while the kids and I were getting ready, with local news and updates....school closures, things we need to know before sending our youngons off in the sub-zero temperatures. The dial always seemed to land on Wayne Richards' morning show on Soft Rock Classy 97 - Wayne & Liza in the mornings. Like many of you, I listened, I laughed, I called (I tried many times to be a contestant on battle of the sexes, but could never dial fast enough). I always appreciated his kindness to the callers & fellow DJ's, his clean, & smart humor, his quick wit, and his sincerity about the good things in life.

What I have come to appreciate just as much over the past few days is the way our community has rallied together to honor this man & support his family. Where else can you live & listen to public, on-air sobbing (without the DJ getting blasted for it), and being so touched you can't bear to change the station? In radio it's considered unprofessional, it's a big taboo. His station has spent the past 3 days making and playing tributes to Wayne (for his family), telling funny stories, sharing their memories of him & inviting listeners to call and do the same. It's been wonderful to learn more about him from normal, everyday people like me. Stories about him giving up his seat in the movie theater for someone else & how he was a sincere friend to everyone as he would always take the time to talk to people along the way.

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Businesses all over the area are putting up signs to honor & remember him, a shop has made thousands of free bumper stickers with one of his sayings on it, and so many are telling their stories of how he was such a positive influence in their lives. I don't think these people are doing these things because he was a local celebrity & they want to jump on the bandwagon. I think it's because he was simply a good, decent, hardworking man who loved his family & friends & they want to reach out in their own way to help his family and each other. Initially, I wondered if business would resume as usual after a day or two, and if the emotion would cease. That hasn't happened, and my love for this community has grown.

I haven't always loved it here - the cold, the snow & the 8 month winters aren't really my thing, but I have always liked it here because of the people, especially in my neighborhood. This is real America. These are real people. They are sincere, hardworking, caring, down-to-earth, humble people. My family has been rallied around & strengthened by this community several times in the past few years as we have been through many ups and downs. Where else can you live and have neighbors (visiting teachers) who'll offer to take your newborn twins during the night so you can sleep and rest a weakened heart (literally)? - Women who have to get up at 6:00 am for their jobs and whose husbands would actually get up with them to help feed those babies. Where else can you live and have neighbors who'll organize babysitting for your children & bring in meals, while you're on bed-rest for 5 weeks, and aren't even permitted to sit up? Where else can you live and let those people help your family & take your precious babies and children because you absolutely trust them? Where else can you live and know people are praying for you & crying with you when you've suddenly lost your niece or brother or mother to tragedy? They bring meals, clean the carpets, share a hug and a laugh and give their love & support in their way.

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That is where I live. Sure, it's not perfect. We have our share of crime, crazies & crooks (aka - politicians), but it's the people who make or break a community. And for the most part, these are good people. This is my community. Can you see why I've come to love it so much? I am saddened by the passing of Wayne Richards & I know it'll be a long road for his family to travel. Thank goodness, this community has been as a shining city on the hill during this tragic time. It truly is a good place to live.

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P.S. While we're on this subject, please take a few minutes to check out the Nie Recovery link on the side of my blog. These young parents of 4 small children were in a plane crash last month & miraculously survived. Their flight instructor didn't. The two of them are trying to recover from terrible burns covering their bodies. They need all the help - financial, spiritual and physical - that they can get. Please do what you can. Sometimes all we can do is pray & I know it helps. Like most of you, I don't know them, but my heart goes out to them. I want to do something. I have been impressed with this blogging community, which I have recently moved into. I have seen so many links to Nie and everyone wants to help. It's wonderful.....and a good place to be.

Delusions of Grandeur

Last week I was thinking about my Things To Do Before I Die list. It was on my mind because my sister had emailed pictures of her fabulous trip to Jerusalem......the one in Israel. I know, totally on my list. I'm pretty sure I know how you're feeling right now and before I go any further I would just like to say, Chill out! I know you'll feel terrible if I die tomorrow and didn't get to go to Jerusalem, but seriously, I'll be dead. So I don't think I'll even care at that point. It's just one of those lists I have for myself. You know that kind of list with all of the amazing life goals that never actually get accomplished (unless you're Bill Gates or Oprah), but just knowing you thought of them and wrote them down makes you feel really cool. The list goes on:
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Learn Spanish. My family and I go to the Spanish Branch in our stake. *For those non-Mormon readers out there - we go to church with Spanish speakers. Also, I would like to say, Welcome or Bienvenidos. People of all different religions, beliefs, political views, hair lengths, colors, shapes, languages & sizes are welcome - unless your eyes are violet and then I'm totally jealous of you. Okay, you're still welcome, I just had to get that out in the open so there's no awkwardness between us. It doesn't matter what church we go to, we're all still members of this great big dysfunctional human family. I'm thinking that someday I'll post a list of common Mormon vernacular & acronyms - I use 'em all the time. Maybe I should add that to my life to-do list. Anyway.....

Manly is fluent, I'm so not. I know I should be by now (we have been going to the branch for 2 years), but have you ever tried to learn another language? That was rhetorical. I don't want to hear your success story...this is about me right now. It's really hard! People say that Spanish is one of the easiest languages to learn. I keep telling that to myself & reminding me that, 'If I can learn English (yes, it is my native tongue.....but still), which is way more difficult than Spanish, then I can learn Spanish.' But it's just not coming to me. Studying might help, but seriously, who has time for that? Yes, rhetorical again.

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Invent something.

I'm still trying to think of something to invent, but when I do it'll be AMAZING! It's going to be something that will help people, & at the same time look really stylish sitting on their shelf. It can't be too expensive because everyone will want it. And if everyone wants it, it'll have to be mass-produced. Okay, then I'll have to find a really good manufacturer with state of the art production lines that have all the latest robots & equipment. I'll also need to get in touch with the best patent attorney out there who will be able to see the vision of this product and how it'll transform our world as we know it. Top notch marketing will be a must - only the best for the best....... I'm getting ahead of myself here. I would like to invent something.

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Sing with the MoTab choir.

Love them! All I would need to do is be an incredible singer & sight reader/reader of music in general, live in Utah & actually be invited to participate. But have you heard them sing? They rock - not literally, they're AWESOME! I love to sing. I'm not bad, but I'm a dreadful sight reader. I'm pretty sure that most, if not all, of the MoTabians can look at a sheet of music and just start singing it without accompaniment, or a fellow singer standing next to them, who knows what they're doing, that they can copy. And I don't live in Utah, probably never will. But, If I ever get terminally ill that's what I would wish for. And don't go getting all sappy again, be happy for me that I would get to do something on my list.

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Travel back in time.

Probably not going to happen, but if it does I would like to meet: Micheal Landon, to tell him he was the BEST t.v. dad ever (I pattern my parenting after Ma & Pa Ingalls) & that Little House was the best show ever made and to quit smoking (& then I'll totally be a hero for saving his life.) Benjamin Franklin, I'm a huge fan, plus I went to Franklin High School in Portland, and we were the Quakers. I've always wondered if he thought that was a dorky mascot or not. Pope Joan, to find out if she was a real person or not. My Grandma Elsie, to tell her sorry for running over her, when I was 5, with her Cadillac. I would also like to be a fly on the wall in the Salem witch trials, wouldn't want to be there because I know they would totally think I was a witch, but I could be a fly. (As long as fly swatters weren't invented yet. Okay, they were drowning people to see if they survived to prove they really were witches so they could kill them. Of course they hadn't invented fly swatters yet).

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Make a million dollars. This will come with the invention.

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Become a funny philanthropist. I mean come on! We all love the rich guy, or gal in my case, who gives away her money to worthy charities, but it's the funny one who gets the laughs. I'm just saying....

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Travel - I started writing a long list of where I want to go, and then it wasn't funny anymore, it was just a list. So basically I want to go everywhere in the world including this beach (on this plane - cool, huh?).

I think this & the philanthropic endeavors will also come after the invention. I better get working on that.

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Win a major award.

I don't even care what it is, I'm not picky. It could be anything like: the Nobel Peace Price, the Pulitzer Prize, Mother of the Year, or an Oscar, or Mrs. America, how about Best Invention of the Century, or Philanthropist of the year, the Purple Heart would be great, or some cool blogging award. Anything will do.

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This is my list. I never realized how much potential I don't have and how delusional I appear in writing until I actually see it in print before me. Depressing. But at least I'm realistic. Now you can help me & yourself: leave a comment. Seriously. Then you won't feel so guilty when I die and you're thinking, 'oh, how sad she didn't even get to do any of those things on her life list and now she's dead and will never have the chance again.' Maybe I can win some kind of blogging award by getting a lot of comments. Even if I don't know you, leave a comment. You won't regret it, you see I'll come & check you out & it'll be a win-win situation.

*Haunting voice from the dead*: "leeeaavvveee a commmmennnt"

NOT worth the wait.

As I was waiting today, I started thinking about what I was waiting for & how it totally wasn't worth it. What was I waiting for? My yearly exam. The yearly exam. If you're a female, you know.

BUT WAIT! Keep reading (if you are a male, or an innocent type, or my husband, you're probably thinking - I've read enough of this trash). Don't worry, I'm not going into any detail. There will be no gore, no potty talk or any description of any kind. Just some observations.

For example, I waited 45 minutes to get into my room, while 3 other people who came in after me, went out before me. That's not cool (starting my belly-breathing). I admit, when I go to an appointment, of any kind, I quite enjoy the token 5-10 minute wait. It's my chance to peruse and read the magazines and newspapers which I'm too cheap to buy. But 45 minutes is a little much. Did I mention there were 3 other people who came in after me and were called out before me? Whatever. Since I'm a giver I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were having a really busy morning. Seriously, have you noticed how many pregnant women there are out there? Anyway, my turn finally came and I thought I saw a trace of remorse on the nurse's face (or maybe it was indigestion 'cause she's prego too.) as she moved quickly around to get me into my room, take my blood pressure & give me the drill down.

Surely, they wouldn't keep me waiting any longer, especially now that I'm in the room, donning the coveted hospital gown with a thin sheet on my lap and my feet freezing to death. They should hand out footies. Actually they (my insurance company, the government & whoever else is in on this) should pay me to come to this kind of an appointment, because we all know that if you go then you don't get whatever it is they're checking for. In typical Em fashion, my too-active mind kept telling me how this was totally NOT worth the wait. And then started rhetorically asking in it's mocking tone, you're actually paying for this? Why? I hate waiting. FYI, I do have a little bit of a problem with patience when it comes to the improper use of time due to fruitless waiting. I started thinking about ways I could get some money out of this, then those thoughts wandered to shopping, and ended up waiting in line at Walmart. And my mind was on a roll for the next half hour of waiting. Yeah, I know.

Because I was in an irritated mood, I started thinking about other things that aren't worth waiting for and then on to my pet peeves. Like, it bugs me when there are 20+ (are there that many? either way, you get the point) check out lines at Walmart with only 2 or 3 open at a time. Since it is about the only place to shop in my town, that makes for long lines on certain days. Never go on a Saturday (unless it's between the hours of 6:00 - 8:00 a.m., or you're toast) that's all I'm saying. Also, it bothers me when people adopt a baby and then get divorced. There just seems to be something ironically twisted about that. I don't get it. (Remember, this is irritated Em thinking out loud - anything goes.) Then, naturally, various eating sounds started roaming through my head. Ew. Just for the record, your eating sounds don't bother me, it seems to be just my family members who make the really annoying noises. Another thing that wasn't worth the wait was, Breaking Dawn. Man, I was so disappointed with that book, especially after the last 9 months of waiting. Like a pregnancy. At least you get a baby (or 2, or 3) out of a pregnancy. That's worth the wait, this book wasn't. And then.........

KNOCK. KNOCK.

She-Dr., "Hello, Em. Are you ready?" "Sure am." Really saying in my head, " No. I think I need another 2 years to WAIT. Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting? I've been ready since the 8th grade! Oh, man. What does my babysitter think of me by now?" And then that's it. It's over. Remember how I like to time everything? Yes, I did. It didn't even take 5 minutes. I waited all that time for less than 5 minutes of complete humiliation. I had my dignity stripped away in a matter of minutes, and I'm paying money for that? What-ev-er. And then of course, because I was having bad thoughts in my head, my Dr. is totally cool. She treats me like I'm her new best friend and then I'm wondering when we can do lunch. I get dressed, she promply comes back in, totally sits down and shoots the breeze with me, while wearing the cutest dress, and telling me about how............. she's pregnant. Of course.

Memos

MEMO
To: Hoodee,
Subject: I still love you.

Remember that day you barged in my room while I was getting dressed? I had no idea you were even up yet. You pointed to my leg & asked, "Are those growing so big?" I looked down. "Not down there," you complained, indicating my calf (Dang! I was really hoping that's what you were referring to.), "that one!" pointing to my thigh. Excuse me? "No, they're getting smaller." (Oh man. I had myself convinced that going to the gym has really been paying off.) You stood there for a moment with your thumb in your mouth & your eyebrows crinkled down to your nose, & then you randomly blurted out, "You smell funny!" Rude. I did not. You weren't even standing close enough to smell me.

Well son, I forgive you. And I still love you (It's been said before, I'm a giver.). No matter what size my legs are, I'll never get enough of your funny comments & quick observations. But maybe don't say things like that when you're 14......but keep sucking your thumb, that's cute.
Love,
Mom


MEMO
To: Lundles,
Subject: You'll understand

You have to stop growing up so fast. I totally don't get how you're almost 11. You wear my same size shoe. What's that about? So just stop. Okay?

*NOTE TO SELF - invent anti-aging serum. A real one, not like the fake ones in the movies & administer it to oldest child before her next birthday. Or just find a good, ethical vampire to take care of it.

BTW, Lundles, where did you learn phrases like 'equal rights'? It doesn't apply in our home. I know it's not the 1950's as you so astutely reminded me. But, No. You do not have equal rights with your parents. Dad & I are equal, but you're 10 so you're about 1/3 of our equalness. It'll make sense when you're my age. Don't worry, I'll be sure to remind you & your 10 year old daughter of this when the time comes. It'll probably be right after I drop her off from a fun-filled day of buying her whatever she wants & doping her up on as much pop, cotton-candy & ice cream as she can handle. It'll really make sense then.
Love,
Mom


MEMO:
To: Epee,
Subject: Thanks

Hey bud. Thank you for all of the hugs and kisses you so freely give me. They are the best part of my day. Will I still get those when you're 17? I hope so.
Love,
Mom




MEMO
To: SidySue
Subject: Your vernacular

Honey, you're 4 years old. I don't think it's appropriate for a 4 year old to say, Holy Cwap. Also, sure I laughed the first time you called me a Hideous Beast, it was totally unexpected. I mean, what mother doesn't dream of her cute, snugly, pink ballerina, sweet baby girl to stomp her foot and exclaim, "I will NOT pick up my toys, you Hideous Beast!" But now I see the error of my ways. After the 10th time, it's just getting old.

*NOTE TO SELF - Figure out which Disney movie the child is mimicking & destroy it in a fiery pit. Or just throw it away.
Love,
Mom

He's So Lucky

I'm a dreamer. I dream, I daydream, I fantasize, I converse in my head. The wheels in my head are usually spinning out of control. Some people say it's an over-active imagination, others simply call it procrastination, & yet there are those who sum it up to adult ADD - probably. I'm the kid in the movies who sits and stares out the window dreaming about how I'm the nerdy girl & no one likes me. They all make fun of me & trip me in the halls & shove me into my locker until the cutest boy in school asks me out because he sees that spark of beauty deep down inside of me. And I tell him, 'No way!', because I've got a great personality, I totally know who I am. I'm one of those spicy, sarcastic type of girls who's great at bantering & so that makes the cute boy want me all the more & everyone else is like, 'What does he see in her?'....... And then the cranky he-teacher snaps me out of my daydream and totally embarrasses me. So then, I start daydreaming about how I'll get my revenge on him & everyone else in the class who was laughing.......

Anyways, my mind doesn't seem to slow down much when I'm unconscious either. It's very rare for me to have a dreamless night. And, about once a year or so, I'll have these blockbuster dreams that are like epoch trilogies. Sometimes, they'll go on for 2 or 3 nights in a row (not recurring, the to-be-continued kind). I'll get so wrapped up in them that I can't wait to go to sleep the next night to find out what happens next and then when I do, I'll have a completely different dream. It's like someone turned the channel. I'm sorry but, The Love Boat just won't do when you've been anticipating Lost all day. Ugh. I never find out what happens. I mean, come on! Did I ever get away from the bad vampires after I escaped their English dungeon (can you guess what I've been reading lately?) & save the little children in the daycare who were right in their path leading to me? Did I ever get to the attic in my grandma's house in Portland, the last safe place on earth for me to be, in time? Who knows, because I wake up and can't ever get my unconscious brain back to the right channel.

I also have lots, & I mean a lot (for the most part this is about the only adult interaction I get during the day) of conversations, with people, in my head. I mostly talk to Manly in my head, but sometimes if I have a conflict with someone, like a jerky painter, then I'll go over that conversation in my head before he arrives. I imagine what he'll say, then what I'll say to that, and then what he'll say back (trying to be all cool) & then I'll totally burn him with a great one-liner. Of course, when he actually does show up I don't say any of it out loud and he's the one getting in all of the punches with the rude things he says. And I just take it - whatever.

But, I can totally predict how these conversations are going to go in my head. In the past when I have tried to have these conversations with Manly.....out loud......in real life, I usually ended up getting mad because he didn't follow the script and he would start saying the wrong things. I felt like stomping my foot & yelling, 'That's not how it's supposed to go! Try again!' And maybe that happened once or twice.....I can't remember. So for the sake of the family, our marriage, his sanity and the peace in our home (ahem) I've learned to keep those kind of conversations in my head. Until now.

I recently had a very, um, descriptive talk with Manly, in my head, in which he was telling me why he's the luckiest man in the world to be married to me. Sweet, huh? So of course I'm going to share, but really there's not enough time to tell you everything he said. Honestly, I don't want to brag. Some people are really full of themselves & I'm totally not like that. So here's Manly's (the Manly that was talking in my head) top 5 reasons why he's so lucky.

1. I sacrifice. I make a lot of sacrifices for him and his children (yes, I did incubate & bear them, but I like to give him all the credit for them. I'm generous that way.). For example, making dinner for them when I could be doing something else like reading a book or watching one of my chick-flicks. Or not spending a lot of $ on home decor & shoes when there is really so much that I want. I love how in my head he gets that. He so understands how many things there are out there that I want to buy & don't & what a toll it takes on me.

2. I'm a giver. I'm constantly giving him free advice - he doesn't even have to ask for it. I give him advice on everything like how to style his hair, what clothes to wear & even how to rub my feet more effectively. There is never a shortage on the advice I give him. He can't get enough.

3. I never complain. About 6 months ago our dishwasher wasn't working. I didn't complain once when I had to ask him & his children to wash the dishes after dinner. He really appreciated that. No man wants a complaining, nagging wife. He is lucky.

4. I'm thoughtful. I'm frequently thinking of ways he can be a better husband (everyone can use some help sometimes. Well, most everyone, some of us don't need it.) & ways he can make my life easier. And, I'm always thinking up those cute little compliments he should be giving me. He loves that.

5. I'm pretty much perfect. In my head he told me how perfect I really am, but that seemed a little sacrilegious to me. I'm not that perfect - no one is - but I'm probably pretty close. He really does make a good argument for it. Like he said: I'm an excellent cook, I'm an awesome housekeeper, manager, organizer & decorator - watch out Martha, I'm on your heals. I still look good for my age - aka, hot momma. I sing, I dance, I'm way funny. Not to mention, I'm smart, witty & especially humble (the list could go on & on, but you get the point.)

Are you totally going, 'Oooooh! How sweet. She's so lucky!'? I am. I am so lucky that I'm a dreamer because that conversation, in my head, totally made my day. Does anyone ever say nice things to you in your head? Or do you have the best one-liners when no one else is listening? Let me know, I'd love to hear about your dreams & sweet escapes.

Tag, you're IT!

Okay, so yesterday I was telling my husband about how my days are going so much better since I've set the goal not to get on the computer during the daytime. They really have been better, I've been more productive, more patient with my kidlets, I have even provided dinner ev-er-y-day this week - not necessarily good ones, but something edible has been on the table.....before bedtime. (Except Sunday, which doesn't count because that's MY day of rest and so if people are bold enough to get hungry they can make it themselves - I don't care if you're 4 years old, it's time to learn some self-reliance.) He was so happy to hear my goal and I was totally pumped.

So anyways, about a 1/2 hour ago, I got off the phone with my girlfriend Becky, & I was telling her about this whole new, wonderful world of blogging and I got way nostalgic, totally missed my blog and then I wondered what was going on with each of you. So I decided that 4 days was a really good accomplishment and I'll try again next week. It's 3:00 right now and my two oldest chillens got home from school about 10 mins ago and I'm right here, right where I'm supposed to be, it feels like home - posting. (I have no idea where anyone else is, since the four of them saw me on the computer the house got eerily quiet.)

(*It's 7:00 now. I was only on for about 20 mins earlier when being the "responsible mother" got the better of me as my 2nd grader came in begging me to help him with his homework.......whatever. Some kids have no boundaries. And then I decided I probably should keep my daughter's Dr. appt. & since I was up I thought I might as well make dinner. But, I'm back)

What I'm getting at is that I was tagged, so really that makes breaking my goal the right thing to do. I've seen this happen a couple of times on a few of my friends blogs, before I ever had one, and I wondered what it was all about. I thought about what the rules of this game are: Who can you tag - anyone? What happens if you never respond to the tag, are you put on some kind of a blogging blacklist? And worse, what if you never get tagged? Are you like the kid who never gets picked for the team at recess? It really started to worry me. I wondered what I would do or say if I ever got tagged, but what would I do or say if I never got tagged? And then it happened, I was tagged last week and I'm finally responding, I believe I am still within my statute of limitations to reply.

My cute neice-in-law, tagged me about 6 quirks I have. I had to think long and hard about that one because I've never really thought of myself as a quirky person. 5 minutes later I came up with my list and then realized I had to narrow it down. Here's what I came up with:

1. Making goals that last 4 days & calling that an accomplishment.

2. I hate almost all condiments. Ketchup, mustard, mayo, salad dressing (except Italian), relish, anything along those lines - Blech! And no, it's not because I'm trying to be healthy or lose weight or anything admirable like that (I make up the calories I would have had in Symphony bars. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about). I'm just dang picky, I get it from my dad. Basically all I like, as far as that goes, is butter - not real butter, but the stuff that tastes really good - Country Crock, Salsa - yum, & Italian dressing.

3. I am terrible at recording on the camcorder. Manuel recently bought a new camera with a "special" button on it for "special" people like me who are 'recording challenged'. It's called an anti-shake button or something like that, and he "lovingly" continues to remind me to turn it on next time I record.

4. I am grossed out and weirdly drawn to freaky swarms of bugs. About this time each year we get these hornets nests on our shed and I know I should spray them as soon as I see them (I eventually get it done) because we have small children &it's not safe & blah..blah...blah...but I can't stop looking at them or taking pictures like these:

A couple of years ago we had this ginormous ant hill under our big pine trees, that I eventually had exterminated, which I'm still trying to get over, but the ants were so big and there were so many that you could hear them walking around on their hill when you were standing a couple of feet away. It was my kids science lesson all summer. Ewwww, huh?! I liked it.

5. I time everything on my stop watch. I love my watch. And I mean everything. Like, sacrament talks, testimonies, how long it takes me to write a post, how long it takes to gas up the car, exactly how long it takes me to drive from my house to my parents house in Utah, even how long it takes to go #1 on the potty. Have you ever timed that? 45 seconds really is a long time.

6. But I think my quirkiest thing is that I am obsessed with picking my husband's dry head. I am so lucky to have married a man with a super dry flaky scalp. I love it. It is my favorite pastime in the evenings after the kids are in bed. I could sit and pick his scalp all night if he would let me. This is pretty much what he thinks of it:

Okay, now I tag you: Sarah, Erin, Vanae, Mandy, Katie E., Katie U., Keri & Heather & really anyone who wants to respond to this tag because this is the all-inclusive team!

Was That A Compliment?

Well it finally happened. I thought I had another 10 years, at least, before I heard what I heard, but I guess my time's up. What was said? Well, it went something like this...."Oh my gosh, how many kids do you have?" (this coming from a skinny, totally hot, young 20-something mother of 1) I happily reply, "4 kids, the two youngest are twins." (I always add that last part because I feel like I have bragging rights to the fact that I had 2 at once inside of me, sqeezed them both out and lived to tell about it.) Here comes the whole reason for this post, her response: "Wow, I hope I look like you when I'm your age and have had a few more kids."

I didn't know how to react. Was that a compliment? How old does she think I am? At that moment it hit me, I have said that a few times myself, always meant well, but it is not a compliment. Oh no! I would just like to take a moment to apologize to all of the hotty, old ladies I have ever said that too - I'm sorry, I understand now. I didn't realize my age was so obvious to other people! I was hoping that no one else had noticed the steady increase of cushioning to my back seat. I kept trying to tell myself that those crows feet are not really on my face they're only in my head. And I was sure that my gray hair really only shows up in my bathroom lighting at 11:00 P.M. I guess I'm wrong.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this - to be put in that "you look good for your age" category. It just means you're not as young & skinny as you used to be. I was sure that when I walked down the halls at the high school, (after dropping my kids off at the preschool that the child development class runs), that I fit right in and looked like one of the students. I suppose those boys weren't checking me out, they were probably wondering whose mom I was. And now I bet the girls were saying to themselves, "Oh my gosh, I hope I look like that when I'm as OLD as her." I was sure that the young 20-somethings thought I was one of them and that I must have had London when I was like 11. Oh well. Ready or not, here I am. I'm 33 and proud of it. I may not look as young as I used to, and I may not be as in shape as I once was, but I'm not totally giving up.....yet. Until then I'll just keep trying to "look good for my age"!

Never Say Never

Have you ever said you would never do something only to realize that you were doing it? Manly & I both have long lists of 'nevers' that we have had to swallow over the past few years. Like the time Manly said he would NEVER be a lawyer - it's true, he was a geology major when we got married. Or the time I said I would NEVER be one of "those ladies" who just doesn't get ready in the morning and goes out in sweats, a ponytail and no make-up. The only difference now is that since I got my hair cut 2 weeks ago it's not long enough to put in a ponytail anymore. There was also the conversation we had where Manly swore he would absolutely NEVER EVER get a v....you know what I mean (he only did it to save my life, but I'm glad that was worth it to him). And there was a point in my life when I had parenting all figured out and could just 'see' all the mistakes parents were making, of course this was my pre-children era, and I proclaimed I would NEVER be inconsistent in my discipline, and I would NEVER yell at my children, and I would NEVER use T.V. as a babysitter. My biggest weaknesses, okay! It's so much easier to let them get away with murder while I blindly & happily sit in front of the computer typing away, until I lose my temper and yell at the top of my lungs, 'STOP IT!!!' and then wonder why they aren't listening to me. And hello PBS, what would I do without you?!
My list could go on and on, my point is I am the queen of going back on my 'nevers' and if those examples weren't proof enough then this blog is. Last spring when I started following some of my good friends and families blogs I would give Manly an update of your lives when he got home each evening. One day he finally asked "You're not going to do a blog are you?" (Knowing how much time I'm already on the computer, he was groaning under his breath- not more time on the computer in our already hectic lives!) My quick response was "Of course not! I would NEVER do a blog!" Well, I got a few more suggestions from some friends and family members about different blog ideas that I didn't ask for. Like, "You should start a Book Blog, to talk about your books with friends." And, "You should start a Picture Blog to show the different events you've decorated for (this girl saw some of those pics on my facebook account)." And, "You should start a blog so I know what's going on with you guys." To each of these I replied "No way! I don't blog." So here I am, my first post on my new blog. Thanks to all of you, you've inspired me by your creativity, honesty and willingness to share your lives with the rest of the cyber world. I really have enjoyed watching your lives progress over the last 6 or 7 months and I decided, to heck with this 'never' crap! I'm doing it. So I hope I can keep up with this, I hope you will help me and I hope I will Never say Never again!